The Lost Posts Pt. II: French P.E.

I tried to piss myself off today to have a good post, but it didn’t work. Maybe if everyone else was a lot less ANNOYING all the time, I would be able to work up a bit of a panty-knot, but because it gets really tiresome to hear everyone else complain all the time, I don’t let anything bother me.

 The funniest thing that happened today was French P.E. At Lycée Gaston Febus, one group of kids has the same schedule. There are at least five American correspondents in Baptiste’s class, I think I’m forgetting someone, but by the end of the day I was the only one left. I kind of let it happen. I had a choice between being with the Americans, which would have been me pretending to be friends with those kids and just kind of embarrassing myself, or staying with the French kids, where at least I’m kind of a spectacle by default. Even the cool French kids bounced before P.E., so by the time we filed into the locker room, it was me and all the hurtest people in the class. But I like them anyway.

Their P.E. teacher is one of those that forgets they teach high school physical education. But, like, not in the way that they get really militaristic about it and make people stretch all the time or something. She did this whole drill where like, the kids had to make up some kind of gymnastics routine incorporating the following moves:

-marcher sans rhythme (walk slow and fast)

-chute 5<20 (this one’s the best: you have to fall, but break it into 5-20 steps)

-retracter (curl into a ball)

-tirer (stretch)

-lancer les bras (throw your arms in the air)

-3 appuis (hold yourself up by three body parts, ie. head/handstand)

-4 appuis (as above, only with four)

-glisser (slide. something)

-s’enrouler (roll)

-tourner (turn)

This got gay fast, for sure. Especially because no one knew that you had to actually make a routine and know it by heart. And she wouldn’t let me do my homework during the second hour, and instead I had to watch people roll around on a mat, which was not at all a waste of my time.

 So the first girl goes up, this nice, fat, and blonde girl, and she does her little routine and the teacher says “Okay, do it again.” So she does another. And the teacher’s like “What the fuck, you did something different, do what you did the first time,” and the girl was like ?.

 All the teacher’s comments were all about actually performing for an audience, like “You know, it was really good until you stood up. That didn’t seem natural.”

I don’t really have a way to end this one. Oh, I know. Tomorrow there’s supposed to be this party for all the Frenchies and Americans, plus a hundred people, and Baptiste’s mom is for sure flipping a SHIT. In any case I’m sure this whole ordeal will piss me off at some point, it’s got to be interesting. And what I mean by “Baptiste’s mom is flipping a shit” is that during dinner, she would be silent for a while, and then say something like, “One hundred twenty people, there’s bound to be some that sneak in” or “I’m going to call and make sure some adults are there.” I can only imagine that in the time between her out-louds, she was imagining every possible scenario.